The Ideal Muslim Husband

Abu Hurayrah related that the Prophet (SAWS) said:

“The most perfect believer is he whose conduct is best, and the best among you is he who behaves best towards his wife” [at-Tirmidhi]

Traits of a Good Muslim Husband

He treats his wife fairly and decently.

He shouldn’t let his study, work, hobbies, responsibilities or friends take up all his time and keep him from her.

Islam guarantees woman’s rights to enjoy her husband to the extent that it even tells the husband not to spend all his time in worship. Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al ‘As relates that the prophet (saws) said:

Have I not heard that you fast all day and stay up all night in prayer?” Abdullah said, “That is true, O Messenger of Allah.” The Prophet (Saws) told him: “Do not do that. Fast and break your fast, sleep and get up. For your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you, your wife has a right over you, and your visitors have a right over you. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

He should treat his wife in the best possible way, with a smiling face, tolerance, easy-going and light-hearted nature, and gentle humor.

Aisha (RA) reported that when she went on a journey with the Prophet (Saws), she challenged him to a race and won. Later, when she had gained weight, she raced him again, but this time he won, and he told her, “This is for that”. [sahih hadith narrated by Ahmed and Abu Dawud]

In another report, Aisha said:

“By Allah, I saw the Prophet (Saws) standing at the door of my room, when some Abyssinians were playing with spears in the mosque. The Messenger of Allah (saws) screened me with his cloak so that I could watch the spear-play over his shoulder. He stayed there for my sake , until I had seen enough. So pay attention to young girl’s need for entertainment.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Should make himself attractive to her

He does not overreact and become angry for trivial reason [many ignorant husbands do, creating chaos if their wives offer them food that they don’t like, or if their meal is late, or any other reason which usually causes an unnecessary amount of anger, arguments and trouble between spouses].

He has a deep and compassionate understanding of his wife’s nature and psychology.

He directs his wife towards the straight path of Islam

He recognizes what she likes, what she desires, her moods, and tries to reconcile between them and the ideal life and behavior he wants for her.

He understands his wife and respects her feelings

He does not criticize her family or any of her relations to her. (She shouldn’t do this as well, of course)

He does not disclose any secrets that she entrusted him with.

He helps her make up for her failings and weaknesses. For example, if she is lacking in knowwledge or manners, he should help her in a kind, gentle , and positive manner.

He avoids harsh criticism [especially in front of people]. The true Muslim is the most sensitive and respectful towards the feelings of others.

He knows how to strike a balance between pleasing his wife and treating his mother with due kindness and respect. He tries not to offend either one of them. He is not disobedient towards his mother or oppressive towards his wife. He recognizes his mother’s rights and treats her in the best way, while also recognizing his wife’s rights.

He totally understands his role as a protector and maintainer of women [Qawwam]

With a good attitude and gentle treatment, the Muslim husband wins the heart of his wife so that she does not disobey him in anything

“Men are the protectors and maintainers {qawwamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other and because they support them from their means.” [Quran, Al-Nisa 4:34]

The Prophet said:

“Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for those under his care. A ruler is a shephard; a man is the shepherd of his family; a woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children. For each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for those under his care.” [Agreed upon]

Concluding, the Ideal Muslim husband has a strong and likeable personality, a noble attitude, tolerance and forgiveness for minor mistakes, strong adherence to the laws of Allah and determination to apply them to his family, generosity without being extravagant, and a clear understanding of an Ideal Muslim home.

The Husband’s obligations; Women’s rights

He is commanded to be kind to his wife

He is commanded to comfort his wife

He should consort with his wife in an equitable and kind manner

He is responsible for full maintenance of the wife, in a cheerful manner. Lodging, clothing, sustenance, general care and well being, privacy, comfort, and independence, she has the right to be cared by her husband in accordance to her style of life [to the best of his ability of course]

He should recognize that the wife’s material rights are not her only securities. She has rights of moral nature.

A husband is commanded to treat his wife with equity, to respect her feelings, and to show kindness and consideration.

If he has no love or sympathy for her. She has the right to demand freedom from the marital bond, and no one may stand in her way.

“Live with your wives in a good manner. If you dislike them in any manner, it may be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed much good for you.” (Surah 4 – Ayah 19)

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Sources:
* The Ideal Muslim By: Muhammad Ali-al-Hashimi
*Islam in Focus By: Hammudah ‘Abd al ‘Ati